It’s 5:07am of the 22nd of December 2015.
Everyone is asleep from a long night — a whole night of partying, feasting, singing, and conversing about the nuances of adult life (as if we could ever leave that out).
And here I am. Still awake. Restless. Just itching write what’s flooding my mind at the moment. Screw prose and flow.
Something’s bothering me, and I don’t know why.
It’s been a weird day, to be quite honest. And I can’t actually say whether I’m happy about it or not. On the one hand, Ms. Philippines won! And very weirdly so, haha. Yay, I suppose! And our Christmas party was a blast. We were all having one hell of a good time. It was really nice to see faces I haven’t seen in a long long time. Just sitting together, eating, and catching up on each of our lives. I always love doing that. I don’t know if it’s just me, but having an actual one-on-one personal conversation is where I’m most engaged. Groups discussions were always too noisy for me. Too many people with too many things to say. But my own attention is solely focused on another’s, holy hell, do I get one heck of a story. Haha, Christmas spirit much?
But I digress. Back to what’s bothering me…
Amidst all that happened tonight, I couldn’t help but feel a bit troubled by…well, everything around me. It’s like…despite how things were being all fun and jolly, it’s as if the state of things weren’t exactly right to me.
*cue conversation with myself*
“Huh? Weren’t exactly right? What does that mean, Mikey?”
“It probably means that something or someone pissed you off, bro.”
“Oh. But I don’t recall anything pissing me off tonight.”
“Yes you do, you’re just trying so hard to ignore it.”
Well damn. Now that I take some time to reflect on it, maybe something did tick me off. Or rather, someone. Which really bothers me because I’ve spent the better half of my year staying positive. And it’s worked out for me on countless occasions. Quite frankly, this change of attitude is what probably brought about what I could say would be the best and craziest year of my life so far. And yet, something managed to breach that wall of flowery niceness and positivity enough for me to want to write about it? Just sounds like more drama llama to me. Though, I hope not.
So while I have this small opportunity to shoo this incredibly fresh and potent hate out of my system, let me do so:
(Disclaimer: No hard feelings to the person I’m addressing this to.)
Holy. flipping. fuck. You fucking zombie of a person you. You are an absolute contradiction of your own self. You are a bloody WALL. Nothing gets to you. Are you that dense, or are you simply oblivious to the humanity that surrounds your frivolous excuse of a life? I CANNOT believe a person like you exists. I’m trying real real hard not to hate you, but you’ve been making it bloody difficult for me to keep it up. Be a human being, for God’s sake. You stupid, attention-seeking, self-serving irrational piece of useless shit. I’m done with you.
Back to being positive me.
Over the few months of meeting new people and making new friends, I’ve learned that it’s not hard to see people change as life goes on. Of course, we can all agree that change occurs all the time. I’m changing, you’re changing. Everything changes and the world keeps spinning. I’ve also learned (the hard way) that as people change, they begin to change you as well. Basic social anthropology, yeah, but the reality never hit until I truly got to experience it for myself. Surround yourself with great people, and they’ll bring out the best in you. And with that same idea, surrounding yourself with the most toxic and intolerable people will bring out the absolute worst in you. Sad, but horribly true.
I’m ever grateful for having the best people around me. Loving family, loving friends, loving workmates. They’re who helped me become the person I am today. And I’m proud of myself. I continue to grow as Mikey, and see myself being shaped into a bigger and brighter me. It’ll be a while before I get to where I want to be, and I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m excited for the future, and what it holds for me and my peers. I just hope that as people continue to change, they try to change for the better as well.
What a year it has been. A huge-ass Six Flags roller coaster of emotions. Thank you to the kind and caring people who I got to spend it with.